Well, my friends, we are home. Sad day. Actually, we've been home for over a week. Sad week. Our stay in Colorado and our trip to Oregon with Logan's family were both everything I hoped for and more, so it was incredibly depressing to come home. I'm just telling you now, this post is a
whole lot of whining. So if you are interested in allowing me to maintain the blog facade that most people keep up of a perfectly pleasant existence, stop reading now. However, if you'd like to read on and feel as sorry for me as I feel for myself then please continue. :) My life is not a hard one, I realize this, but sometimes a girl just needs to vent.
Alrighty, first of all, the weather. The summer weather in the West is generally a glorious thing. Denver does get really hot, but it's a
dry hot, so at night it gets perfectly cool and you can sit on your porch and eat dinner and maybe take the baby for a pleasant evening stroll. Heaven. In Oregon it was miraculously warm and sunny, but it is still the Oregon coast, so that means it warmed up to being that perfect weather where you can choose whatever you'd like to wear---pants, shorts, a hoodie, a tank top, WHATEVER---and not be too hot
or cold. Here....well, lets just say I'm melting. MEEELLLLTING!!!! It has been over 90 degrees
every single day since we got back. Oh yeah, and the humidity is over 90% everyday as well, naturally. Today it is supposed to be 98 degrees. There is an official "excessive heat" warning out. Goo.
The next whiny topic that we will be covering is breastfeeding. One of my closest friends in Colorado asked me if I liked breastfeeding and I had a very difficult time coming up with an answer. I finally just said, "I have a very love-hate relationship with breastfeeding." That's the truth. And, sadly, for me it seems that it usually falls closer to the hate side than the love side. I just have so many stinking complications!! I have an majorly overabundant milk supply, and, while it is a blessing to be able to provide my little one with everything that he needs, it is because of my hyperlactation that I have so many problems with plugged ducts. I have lost count of how many painful plugged ducts I have had. He just never drains me because there is simply too much to be had. People keep telling me to just buy an expensive pump and empty my breasts after every feeding, but here's the problem people: Breastfeeding is set up to be a supply and demand thing. This is why
every mother gets engorged initially when her milk comes in. It arrives in bulk, but then your body figures out how much your baby really needs and adjusts to that point. The more that is emptied from your breasts, the more that they will make. This is why mothers with low milk production have to pump after each feeding...to stimulate additional production. That is NOT something that I want to stimulate. I have researched it and talked to my OBGYN and a lactation consultant about it, and I am right. Pumping would make my problem worse because then my body would just think it needed to make even more. PLEASE don't, body! PLEASE! I am an absolute slave to his feedings, and not because he won't take a bottle. I purposely introduced a bottle really early, and he is totally fine with them. I just can't give him them regularly because of my stupid breasts. It has finally gotten to the point where I can give him one if I'm out and I will be back home to pump within an hour or so of the feeding. However, too much pumping causes me problems as well, so after two days of pumping and feeding with bottles in the car and on the plane I had massive complications. One of my breasts had so many plugged ducts that three fourths of it was rock solid. Neither Callum or a pump could get a single drop from it for
three days. Um, OUCH! Naturally, it turned into mastitis, which is why I am still taking antibiotics. And, to add insult to injury, the day that breast cleared up is the day that the
other one got rock solid. At least it didn't take three days to clear up. Now you may be thinking, "Wow. I am not feeling any of the
love in this love-hate relationship." Well, it is there. A little. People talk about how bonding breastfeeding is, and I will affirm that it's true. Callum adores me more than anyone else and he is the most comforted by me. Of course, I am the only person that is with him 24 hours a day, but I do think that the feeding contributes his love as well as the time factor. When I am not having problems, I do love to see him looking up at me peacefully with his sweet blue eyes. It's something that only we can share, and Logan has mentioned to me more than once how jealous he is that I get that special bonding time with Callum. It was also nice during our trips because I got very litttle time alone with him when his doting grandparents were around, but this was one thing that no one but me could do for him. They may want to dress him, bathe him, play with him, rock him to sleep, and all of the rest, but only I could feed him. It was a few calm moments during each busy day that I got to just sit and snuggle my little one. Overall, I just have to say that it's a good thing that Callum is so stinking fat and cute! At least my hard work is paying off!
Speaking of doting grandparents, I anticipated that Callum would go through a bit of a detox period when we came home, but nothing could have fully prepared me for what he was like the first few days back. I had noticed that when Callum's earliest visitors left he would go through a very demanding and needy time for a day or two afterward, so I was definitely dreading our return from a solid month of extra spoiling from grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, and friends. (Not to mention the time zone changes.) I think Logan thought I was being ridiculous when I would stew about it, but I was dead on. The first night back Callum stayed up crying and screaming until 1:30. Then he got up and made me feed him at 3:00
and 5:00 before finally getting up for good at 8:00. Shoot me now. Keep in mind that this is when I was dealing with mastitis, plugged ducts, and my own feelings of despair at having left my dad and friends behind in Colorado to return to this hot, lonely city. He screamed so much in the first two days that it was almost impossible to find time to go to the restroom! I have a whole new level of respect and flat out AWE for my friends with colicky babies now. YOU ARE AMAZING!!! I got a tiny glimpse into what your lives are like, and, I must tell you, I did not like what I saw. So much respect!!!! Wow! Thankfully he is toning it down significantly now, but he is still refusing to take naps, and he is whining for attention all of the time. I never get anything done anymore. I am fervently praying that we can return to a nice schedule where I at least get some nap times to get things done. (He's taking one right now...MIRACLE!!! HALLELUJAH!!! HIP HIP HOORAY!!!) I think that the end of his detox period may be coming gradually into view, but there is still some work to be done and some crying to put up with.
Last, but certainly not least, Logan's schedule. Girls in my ward talk about being a "third year widow" and I always laughed and thought, sure, third year med students were busy, but "widow" may be a bit melodramatic. Um, I was wrong. Logan has started his third year of medical school. He is really excited about actually being in the hospitals doing, seeing, and learning things, instead of just listening to people talk about them in lecture, and he's really enjoying his experiences so far. However, his schedule is making both of us miserable. He is on nights in labor and delivery. He enjoys assisting in the deliveries and he loves the brand new babies. He even got to deliver a placenta the other day. Sick.
However, the nights thing is brutal. Since he is home sleeping during the day I feel like we
never get to interact anymore. He is so close---just in the bedroom!---and yet so far away. And he hates that he never gets to see Callum anymore. It's a bummer. Also, the OBGYN course master holds lectures for the students currently doing OBGYN rotations....DURING THE DAY! All of the people assigned to days get to leave their shift for lectures and not put in any extra hours. Meanwhile, Logan is up all night doing his shift and then has to go to lectures
in addition to his shift. Yesterday he got home at 10 am and had to be back for lectures at 1 pm. Um,
when is he supposed to sleep?!? More than one day this week he has been at the hospital for 17+ hours. I now feel like I've seen a glimpse into my future life as the wife of a resident, and, once again, I don't like what I see. This is going to be a long road. A very long road.
Well, the baby is squawking, so I suppose you're off the hook. No more listening to me whine. Thanks for letting me vent!
Best Thing Since I Last Blogged: I went swimming at Jane and Matt Thomas' house yesterday with my friend Ann and our babies. It was Callum's first time and he loved it! As an added bonus, it wore him out and he actually took a long nap in the evening! Score!
Funniest Thing Since I Last Blogged: Callum has a new happy sound. Unfortunately, it sounds like the shriek of the ring wraiths in the
Lord of the Rings movies. Maybe if you're lucky you'll get to hear him pierce your eardrums with it someday. :)
Worst Thing Since I Last Blogged: Wait...I think I've already covered this somewhere. :)